Domestic abuse affects LGBTQ+ people across Cumbria and the North of England. It can occur in same gender relationships, in relationships involving trans and non binary people, and within families. Abuse is never acceptable and it is never the fault of the person experiencing it.
Domestic abuse is defined in England as any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between people aged 16 or over who are or have been intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality.
Abuse can happen in private or in public. It can develop gradually over time. It is not always physical. Many people experience psychological, financial, sexual or identity based harm long before any physical violence occurs.
Legal Protection in England
There are several legal options available to individuals experiencing domestic abuse.
A Non Molestation Order is aimed at preventing a partner or former partner from using or threatening violence against you or your child, or from intimidating, harassing or pestering you. It is designed to ensure the health, safety and wellbeing of you and any children involved. Breaching a Non Molestation Order is a criminal offence.
An Occupation Order states clearly who can live in the home. It can restrict an abuser from entering the home or the surrounding area. If you do not feel safe continuing to live with your partner, or if you have left because of abuse but want to return and exclude your abuser, you may consider applying for an Occupation Order.
A Domestic Violence Protection Notice and Domestic Violence Protection Order are issued by the police. They aim to provide immediate protection following an incident of domestic abuse. These measures can remove the perpetrator from the property and prevent contact for a short period, giving you time to consider your next steps.
If you are considering legal action, it may be helpful to seek advice from a solicitor or local advice service. Legal aid may be available depending on your circumstances.
Forms of Domestic Abuse
Domestic abuse usually falls into one or more of the following categories.
Physical Abuse
Physical abuse includes hitting, pushing, slapping, choking, restraining, throwing objects, or damaging property. It also includes preventing someone from seeking medical attention. Physical abuse may escalate in frequency or severity over time.
Verbal Abuse
Verbal abuse includes shouting, insults, humiliation, persistent criticism, and degrading language. It may be presented as jokes or dismissed as normal arguments, but when it forms part of a pattern of control or intimidation, it is abuse.
Threatening Behaviour
Threatening behaviour includes threats of violence, threats to harm children or pets, threats to damage property, or threats to share private information. In LGBTQ+ relationships this can include threats to out someone to family, employers or community.
Emotional and Psychological Abuse
Emotional abuse can involve manipulation, gaslighting, isolation from friends or chosen family, controlling who you see or speak to, and undermining your confidence. Psychological abuse often causes long term harm to self esteem and mental health.
Economic or Financial Abuse
Financial abuse includes controlling access to money, preventing someone from working, forcing debt in their name, monitoring spending, or withholding financial information. Economic abuse can make it extremely difficult to leave an abusive relationship.
Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse includes rape, sexual assault, coercion, pressure to perform sexual acts, ignoring boundaries, or using sex as a tool of control. Consent must be freely given and can be withdrawn at any time.
Coercive and Controlling Behaviour
Coercive control is a pattern of behaviour designed to make someone dependent by isolating them, exploiting them, depriving them of independence, and regulating their everyday behaviour. This is a criminal offence in England.
Stalking
Stalking includes repeated unwanted contact, following someone, monitoring their movements, showing up uninvited, or sending persistent messages. It may continue after separation.
Digital Abuse
Digital abuse includes checking someone’s phone without permission, monitoring social media, tracking location, demanding passwords, or sharing private images without consent.
Honour Based Abuse
Honour based abuse involves controlling behaviour linked to family or community expectations around sexuality, relationships or gender identity. This may include forced marriage or threats linked to perceived shame.
LGBTQ+ Specific Abuse
LGBTQ+ specific abuse includes threatening to out someone, deliberately misgendering them, withholding gender affirming medication, telling someone that abuse does not count because of their sexuality, or isolating them from LGBTQ+ spaces. It may also involve using internalised shame or discrimination as a tool of control.
Recognising the Signs
You may be experiencing domestic abuse if you feel afraid of your partner, if you change your behaviour to avoid conflict, if you are isolated from support networks, if your movements are monitored, or if you feel trapped. Abuse often escalates over time.
Support in Cumbria and the North of England
Proud and Diverse Cumbria CIC
Email info@proudanddiversecumbria.org.uk
Telephone 01946 389606
Direct LGBTQ+ community support and advocacy in Cumbria.
Galop
National LGBTQ+ Domestic Abuse Helpline
Telephone 0800 999 5428
Webchat and email support available via galop.org.uk
National Domestic Abuse Helpline (Refuge)
Telephone 0808 2000 247
24 hour confidential helpline across England
Website nationaldahelpline.org.uk
Our Role
We are an LGBTQ+ events and advocacy CIC based in the North of England. We provide information and signposting. We are not a crisis or emergency service. If you are in immediate danger, call 999.
Activity
Take time to reflect on what a healthy relationship looks like for you. Write down three behaviours that make you feel safe and respected. If any of these are consistently missing in your current relationship, consider speaking confidentially to a trusted organisation for advice.
